


He Knew

by abldav



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellamy Has Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 09:44:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6001410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abldav/pseuds/abldav
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy Blake shouldn't have done it. He knew he shouldn't have. But he did it anyway.</p>
<p>Spoilers for season 3</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Knew

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically Bellamy's thoughts and feelings about his actions in 3x04.

Everyone wanted to know why he did it. Why he gave Pike the weapons, why he voted for him for Chancellor. Why he suddenly seemed to revert back to the person he was when they first landed on Earth. 

Bellamy knew. And he knew he knew better. But he didn't tell them. 

The rage built inside him all the way back from Polis. Deep down he knew Clarke was right. He knew she needed to stay in the city, to keep the peace, to make sure Lexa didn't betray them again. 

But all he could think about was how Gina was dead, Clarke left him again, and he was alone, all because of grounders. 

He recognized the prejudice as soon as it crossed his mind, and it just made him feel even more guilty. 

Now he had killed everyone in Mount Weather twice. 

The first time was because of Lexa. He pulled that damn lever with Clarke. He said they would do it together, but she left him to deal with the aftermath on his own anyway. 

The second time was Echo. She told him to go to Polis and he went, no questions asked. He went to save Clarke, and Gina and everyone else was killed.

Grounders had been killing them since the beginning, yet they kept trusting them. Grounders were killing them and Clarke stayed with them.

The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. 

What surprised him was not his anger at the grounders, but his anger at Clarke.

He had never hated her before. He didn't even think he hated her now. But he had never been this angry. 

She frustrated him when they first landed, with her condescending tone and knowing eyes. But even then, as he spent more time with her, her quirks became more endearing than irritating. 

He was upset when she left the first time, but that was more from heartbreak than anything else. He could understand the desire to distance yourself from the cause of your pain; it was her way of coping.

But the wrath and guilt brewing in his heart made all of his memories crisp and tinged with red. 

He risked his life to get to her; he almost bled out. But she stayed. He came to rescue her, and their people were blown up by the same people she was with. But she stayed. He lost the only love he had managed to keep. But she stayed. 

She left him again and again. She left him alone to deal with the pain and the guilt. She left him alone to lead their people. She trusted him to lead their people. 

But he couldn't lead, not without her. So instead of leading, he followed. He followed Kane, he followed Abby, and people just kept dying. 

People kept dying, and people kept killing, and he just wanted it all to stop. 

Deep down he knew his anger at the grounders was misplaced. He knew he was angry at the way things were and the way things never could be. But Pike offered an out.

Pike told him he could do something about it. Pike gave him a target and a purpose. Pike told him to channel his rage and use it to his advantage and that was more than anyone else was offering.

Bellamy knew he knew better. But he didn't tell them.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm writing this on my phone in the middle of the night, so any errors are all on me.
> 
> I really hope this makes sense. I've been thinking alot about Bellamy's motives and thought I'd get them out in writing.
> 
> Come visit on tumblr: @fen-ha-fuck-you


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